You just don't get it, i wish you did. O how i wish you could simply understand who you really are. Because it is God who knows you; not the world, not your friends, and not even yourself. I wish you understood how much God loves you. I wish I could just tell you, but that doesn't work. I wish I could show you with actions, and that i failed to do. I wish I could simply show you my God, but he can be so hard to see. Although someday I know that you will see, and you will understand, and then you will become everything he made you to be.

Love,  Paul Lamb

Edit

After reading through this i realized that this is just as much for me as for the people i intented it for. mmm I wounder with all the time i spend thinking about life and God if I will ever come to a point where I can say that i truely know this one thing so well that i know all I need to know. For I have thought over, studies and lived through the love of God for almost twenty years and am very confident that i have only touched the surface of his love. and understand a "pure love" as God has.

Currently Watching Little Miss Sunshine By Abigail Breslin, Greg Kinnear, Paul Dano, Alan Arkin, Toni Collette, Steve Carell, Bryan Cranston, Marc Turtletaub, Beth Grant, Jill Talley, Brenda Canela, Julio Oscar Mechoso, Chuck Loring, Justin Shilton, Gordon Thomson, Robert O'Connor (IV), Steven Christopher Parker, John Walcutt, Paula Newsome, Dean Norris see related

right now i am just remembering the past two, well really three years and for the most part ok well out side of some moments i have slowly become more depressed and had a little less happiness each day. now this is not to say that I have lost my joy. But i have been getting more and more miserable. I have become more distant from my friends, the girls in my life seem to only be interested of a moment then choose to jump ship. school and work are even more miserable. I hated the work i did at sunshine, but at least i loved the people. Now i sort of like the work and the people tear me down more than they anything. And for school i am going to CC this fall only to take a class my boss told me i don't need to take. not to mention i just paid for all of the semestar. and RBC was just three year of repeating Baptist. and the thing is im depressed at the moment but nothing i am saying is off at all. the class that i learned the most from was a fittness class. the rest where 5 grand a semestar of review. wow thats worst than I realized. I have to say that as for women in my life right now i just want them to leave me alone from now on. i mean really i have this shity thing going for me where i treat girls well and let them know that they have worth and try to lift them up. and i don't know why but they must all think that its a big turn off or that it makes me weak, even though it is so much harder to do.

and all of my misery is not just to blame the world. i take my share of shits just for me.

right now today it is Christmas eve and i thank my God because he gave me the most amazing family and friends even though he seems to take them from me at times. and through all of this God has shown me his love in ways i would have never imagined. all of my sin and misery allows me to see it in other people who are hurting more than me, and somehow god allows me to use his eyes to see their beauty. the hurting the poor and weak, the outcast and thoughs who are living a life on earth. so although right now is the hardest time of my life I Thank God.

"It is well with my soul" - please sing this when I die.

In misery and love

Paul Lamb

today i was sing Christmas songs it doesnt feel like christmas here though, but ya i'll be home for Christmas.

today i was sing Christmas songs it doesnt feel like christmas here though, but ya i'll be home for Christmas.

Currently Listening James Taylor: Greatest Hits By James Taylor carolina in my mind see related

Ohio

outside of their passion and idolary for football ohio is ok. the girls are pretty and the men seem to be hard workers. But really i just miss the ones i love when ever i leave and thats all there is to it. and nothing seems to stop me from thinking of you. My friend adam is thousands of miles farther away and for much longer and although i do not understand his pain in missing his family on some level i believe i can relate. i can still remember the tears on his fathers face when he saw his son. it sort of reminds me of someoe i know.

Love you Paul